The spiritual path is the path of transformation. But often people who are on the spiritual path (or pretend to be…) are just looking for a change in the sense, that they want to get something:
- "I want to be happier."
- "I want to have less fear."
- "I want to be more successful, have fewer problems ..." etc.
We expect that spiritual practice will provide us with a comfortable life.
But if we really experience a TRANSFORMATION, then our life gets a whole new foundation. As if everything becomes possible - a rose transforms into a lily or a rough man becomes gentle, and a nice, timid woman becomes a dragon ...
So, on the true spiritual path, cosmetic surgeries are not enough.
True transformation means that even that self, which wants to be happier, more loving, etc., is transformed. If I am timid, shy or dominant by nature - transformation is not about learning to deal with what I call my timidness, shyness or domination or selfishness ...
Spiritual transformation means that the whole individual, the whole syndrome , which we call I, transforms. It’s something completely different than a lot of people imagine when they start meditating.
If we want to come to spiritual joy, love, willpower and intelligence, then we must be ready for everything. We need to be open to the transformation that life with us wants to undertake. That means also, that we must be ready to lose everything that was important and dear to us.
We think that we will feel good, only if we exercise enough, that life will go smoothly. We think that we will become a great version of what we are now. But the real transformation means that maybe the next step is to become the last in a society, in our ashram, to lose all status...
This idea certainly does not inspire us to practice more. We actually just want to renovate the facade a bit. If our car is red, we may want to paint it pink, so that at least we don’t appear as aggressively as we actually are below the surface. But the transformation means that the whole car may disappear. Maybe instead of a car there will suddenly be a turtle here. But we don't want to hear that. We hope that the teacher will tell us something, so that we repair our current model will repair. (A lot of therapies do nothing but improve the model. We may feel really better after that, but it's still not a transformation.) Transformation arises from a willingness to be what God or the Great Cosmic Life requires of us. The readiness for such an essential transformation develops slowly.
We humans want peace, attention, comfort, understanding, love, recognition. If life does not give us that, then we think: "I will do this or that". Or "I'll meditate a little more and then I'll get it." But that is not the purpose of meditation and spiritual contemplation and exercise. True spiritual practice is about opening up so that this little I who always wants something grows up. Mostly we humans avoid growing up: we try to make our guru a substitute for father and mother. And the Guru pushes us to freedom (at least my Guru Makaja does so). He doesn’t take the role I would like him to play. He maybe does for a while to help my process, but after about ten years, he animates and inspires his students in various ways to become spiritually adults.
Transformation means accepting what life brings us, being open to life. There is no guarantee that life will bring us comfort, peace, money or something else ...
Yet transformation means joy. It is a different kind of joy than when we get what we want, what is comfortable for us. It is the joy of life that arises from openness to life, from curiosity about life.
The path of transformation is actually a path on which we are curiously open to what life will bring us. We are no longer protecting ourselves from the undesirable or grabbing for the pleasant ... but we are open to transformation into a new essence, into a new existence in this world.
(Zen teacher Yoko Charlotte Beck's lecture inspired me to write this text.)
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Kada pričamo o duhovnom putu, onda znamo reči – to je put transformacije / preobrazbe. Ali često ljudi koji idu duhovnim putem (ili to kažu od sebe) samo traže promjenu u smislu, da žele nešto dobiti:
- „Želim biti sretniji/a.“
- „Želim imati manje straha.“
- „Želim biti uspješniji/a, imati manje problema...“ itd.
Mi očekujemo, da će nam duhovna praksa pružati ugodan život.
Ali, ako stvarno doživimo PREOBRAZBU, onda naš život dobiva potpuno novi temelj. Kao da postaje sve moguće – ruža se preobrazi u liljan ili grubi čovjek postaje nježan, a fina, plaha žena postaje zmaj...
Znači, na istinskim duhovnim putu kozmetičke operacije nisu dovoljne. Istinska preobrazba znači, da se čak i taj JA, koji želi biti sretniji, ljubavniji, itd. preobrazi.
Napr. ako sam od prirode više depremirana ili plašljiva – kod preobrazbe se ne radi o tome da naučim s time se ophoditi što zovem svoju depresiju ili ljutnju ili dominaciju ili sebičje... radi se o tome, da se ovaj JA, cijeli individuum, cijeli sindrom, koji zovemo JA, preobrazi. To je sasvim nešto drugo, nego što puno ljudi zamišljaju kad počinju meditirati.
Ali ako želimo doći do iskonske radosti, iskonske ljubavi, iskonske volje i inteligencije, onda moramo biti spremni za sve moguće. Moramo biti otvorene za transformaciju /preobrazbu, koju život s nama želi poduzeti.
Napr. moramo biti spremni da izgubimo sve što nam je bilo bitno i drago.
Mi mislimo, da ćemo se ljepo osječati, samo ako vježbamo dovoljno, da će život ići glatko. Mi mislimo, da ćemo postati super verzija onoga što sada jesmo. Ali prava transformacija znači, da će sljedeći korak možda biti, da postanemo zadnji u nekom drušvu, u našem ashramu, da ćemo napustiti sve materijalne ugodnosti...
Ta zamisao nas sigurno ne inspirira da više vježbamo/meditiramo. Mi ustvari želimo samo malo renovirati fasadu. Ako je naš auto crven, možda ga želimo obojati u roza, da barem ne dijeljujemo toliko agresivno kakvi ustvari još uvijek ismo ispod površine. No, transformacija znači, da će možda nestati cijeli auto. Možda će umjesto auta odjednom biti ovdje kornjača. Ali to ne želimo čuti. Mi se nadamo, da će nam učitelj nešto reći, što će naš sadašnji model reparirati. (Puno terapija ne čine ništa drugo nego li poboljšavaju model. Možda se nakon toga stvarno bolje osječamo, ali to još uvijek nije transformacija.) Transformacija nastaje iz spremnosti, da budemo ono, što Bog ili Veliki, Kozmički Život od nas traži. Spremnost za ovakvu esencijalnu transformaciju se razvija polako.
Mi ljudi želimo mir, pažnju, utjehu, razumijevanje, ljubav, priznanje. Ako nam to život ne daje onda pomislimo: „Učiniti ću ovo ili ono“. Ili „Malo ću više meditirati i onda ću to dobiti.“ Ne, to nećemo dobiti. To nije svrha meditacije i duhovne kontemplacije i vježbanja. Kod istinske duhovne prakse se radi o tome, da se otvorimo, tako da ovo malo JA koje uvijek nešto hoče odraste. Uglavnom mi ljudi izbjegavamo odrastanje: pokušamo iz našeg gurua napraviti nadomjestak za oca i majku. A Guru nas gura u slobodu (barem moj Guru Makaja). Ne uzima tu ulogu. Možda ju je glumio neko vrijeme dok nam je to bilo potrebno, ali nakon ca deset godina on svoje učenike/učenice na razne načine animira i inspirira do postanu duhovno odrasli.
Transformacija znači, da prihvatimo što nam život donosi, da smo otvoreni za život. Nema garancije da će nam život donjeti ugodu, mir, novac ili nešto drugo...
Ipak transformacija znači radost. To je neka druga vrsta radosti nego kada dobijemo ono što hočemo, što nam je ugodno. To je radost života koja nastaje iz otvorenosti spram života, iz znatiželje spram života.
Put transformacije je ustvari put na kojem smo znatiželjno otvoreni za ono što će nam život donjeti. Mi se više ne štitimo od nepoželjnog ili grabimo za ugodnim.... nego smo otvoreni za preobrazbu u novu bit, u novo postojajnje u ovom svijetu.
(Predavanje Zen učiteljice Yoko Charlotte Beck inspiriralo me na ovaj tekst.)